Xelloss' Last Prank
by SixSeasons
Summary: Xelloss will never play a prank again after this disaster.


Naga looked up from her drink and spotted Lina. She smiled. It had been years since she had seen her younger companion. Of course, Naga had always been the stronger of the two, but Lina just had that 'oomph' that a person couldn't help but miss. Naga undid her cloak as she followed Lina and her friends outside. She doubted Lina would recognize her all covered up.

* * *

"Oh, Lina! Hahahaha, long time no see, eh, little one?"

Lina winced and looked up. That voice, that hideous voice. Couldn't that annoying wench just leave her alone? "Good day, Naga."

Naga jumped back. There was a coldness in Lina's voice she had never heard before. Naga smiled with understanding. Lina just didn't want her new friends to see how pathetic she was in Naga's shining glory. Though why anyone _wouldn't_ want to be known as once having been her sidekick, she couldn't understand.

As Naga came into view, Gourry proceeded to stare. Never before had he seen a woman so, so... so much the opposite of Lina. Xelloss also took a good look at Naga, but for a different reason. This was one of Lina's friends. A vicious plot began to form in his mind. Zelgadis continued to glower at Amelia who was clinging onto his arm, quite ignoring Naga. If only Lina hadn't said Amelia and he were a perfect couple, this wouldn't have happened...

"Lina, hahahahahaha, it is SO good to see my favorite COMPANION again." That should satisfy Lina. She wouldn't say a word about Lina being her sidekick.

Lina did force a smile. She had promised Amelia she wouldn't do any unnecessary blowing up of things that day, and she had 12 gold pieces bet with Xelloss that she would keep her word. "Hi, Naga. What are you doing here?"

Naga smiled. "Why Lina, I just came to visit my dear FRIEND. Why don't you introduce me to your new pals?"

Lina frowned. This was the last thing she wanted. But 12 gold pieces would by her a nice sized meal, and there was no way she was giving that up. "Guys, this is my old ACQUAINTANCE Naga. Naga, this is Gourry, the owner of the Sword of Light, and also my sidekick. This is Amelia, princess of Seyrunn, and I guess my student. Zelgadis, my... uh... friend. You're my friend right? Or do you want to be my co-worker?" Lina turned to Zelgadis questioningly.

"Friend will do." He muttered as he desperately attempted to remove Amelia from his person.

"And this," Lina said, pointing to Xelloss. "Is..."

Xelloss suddenly grabbed her around the neck. "Her fiancee, Xelloss." There was no way Lina would not blow him up now!

Lina gasped in shock, but controlled herself. A meal was a meal, and no matter how much Xelloss embarrassed her, she would _not_ lose a meal. She would blow him up tomorrow. In the mean time, this prank might actually be a bit of fun to play on Naga.

Naga stared at Xelloss, even more shocked then Lina had been. The usual insanity left her face, and she was left with a typical Gourry expression. "Fiancee? Lina, little no chest Lina has a... fiancee? Well, Xelloss, you should know now that there is no way I will allow you to marry my sidekick without my approval!"

Zelgadis suddenly grinned, forgetting Amelia's ever tightening grasp around his neck. It was evil, but they did say all was fair in love and war. And Lina had caused Amelia to fall more in love with him, which meant war. It was perfect. Putting his hands behind his head, he sighed outwardly. "Well, they really should get married, with Lina pregnant and all."

As Amelia collapsed, Lina started to flip out. No, no. Don't blow it now. This had too much potential to be a fun prank, and she _really _wanted those 12 gold pieces. Taking a deep breath, she decided to play along.

Xelloss was not as smart. He proceeded to go somewhat nuts, forgetting briefly that it was all a prank, and that he knew he and Lina had done nothing of the sort.

Gourry, on the other hand, was just plain stupid. From the beginning of this whole scenario he had believed it. He had figured that he had just forgotten when they told him. Now, as he watched Xelloss scream in horror, he turned to Lina in surprise. "You mean you didn't even tell him that you were pregnant?"

Amelia, who had now recovered, proceeded to bang her head against the ground. He was such an IDIOT!

Xelloss suddenly gained his composure and silently thanked Gourry for either being an idiot, or a genius. Lina not telling him gave him a cover for flipping out. Had to keep playing along now. Faking shock, he faced Lina. "Preeegnant? How come you never told me? Lina... darling?"

Lina giggled, surprised that Xelloss was such a good actor. "I'm sorry, my love..." Lina almost choked on the words. Xelloss and love just didn't go into the same sentence. "I was just so scared about what you might say."

Zelgadis swore inwardly. He hadn't counted on Lina being a good actress. But at least it had gotten Amelia off him. Now sooner did he think then when Amelia pounced on him, showering him with unwanted affection.

Naga, in the mean time was no longer conscious. She lay on the ground, a sweat drop still on her face, and her hands in Takashi pose. (For any of you who have seen Ranma Saotome flying through the air, you know what this looks like.)

* * *

Visions of Lina in a wedding gown danced through Naga's head as she began to regain consciousness. She was lying on a bed somewhere, a bed that was warm and comfortable. Perhaps she could lay there forever. It was just so nice and warm. Naga sat upright. Lina was pregnant, and engaged. Her family wouldn't know about this, or else Luna would have insisted that Xelloss and Lina married instantly. Either they were planning to elope, or now maybe Xelloss was just going to dump Lina all together. Naga couldn't let that happen. Lina was just an innocent, defenseless little girl. She had to contact Luna right away.

* * *

"No, you moldy brained zombie, I am not pregnant. Do you understand now?"

"Uhhh..."

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Ehhhh..."

"I hate my life."

"Errrr..."

Amelia stared across the table in disbelief. It was cruel and not very nice to call someone an idiot. But it just had to be done. "GOURRY! You are the most complete fool I have ever met! For the sake of Miss Lina's sanity, you must be punished!" Quickly, Amelia jumped onto one of the roof rafters, preparing herself to do justice.

Zelgadis sighed. Might as well try to hammer this in to Gourry's head before Amelia fell and hurt herself. "Gourry. Xelloss and Lina are playing a joke on Naga. They are pretending to be engaged and pregnant to trick her. It's a joke."

Gourry nodded with semi understanding. "Oh, now I get it!"

Lina leaned forward, a smile glowing from ear to ear. "You do!"

"No."

The group fell over. (Insert anime foot twitching scene here.)

* * *

Naga rubbed her hands together as she looked into the fire. "And that's the whole story, Luna. Every last word of it."

The fire flickered with understanding, then crackled with anger. Naga chanted a bit more, then bowed to the fire. (Can anyone say Sailor Mars? Actually, Naga and Mars do look a bit alike...)

* * *

Naga sat at the dinner table with Xelloss and Lina. Considering Lina was pregnant, Naga was surprised that she wasn't eating any more the usual. So far Lina had only polished of five pot roasts.

Xelloss turned to Lina lovingly. "Are you enjoying you're meal, dear?"

Lina smiled, and hissed under her breath to him. "Yes, but mostly because you're paying for it."

Xelloss went pale, but recovered. "And is baby enjoying it?"

Lina grinned playfully. "Oh, very much."

"That's good to hear."

The three looked up to see a woman standing in the shadows. "Now that I know what Naga said is true, I order you two to marry now!"

Lina gasped in horror as Luna stepped out of the darkness, holding the collar of a priest.

"Xelloss, I cannot risk you dumping my sister. The wedding will commence, NOW!"

Xelloss whimpered. He couldn't say no. Luna was too scary. Lina winced - how could Naga do this to her? How could Luna? Lina's eyes narrowed. This was all Xelloss' fault

Xelloss opened his mouth nervously. "Uh, Miss Luna. This is mistake. Lina isn't pregnant. We don't have to get married."

"Yes, YOU DO!"

"Yes, ma'am." Xelloss bowed his head as he trembled.

"Luna, listen. This really is a joke, I'm not pregnant."

Naga sighed. "Oh, dear sweet child. You truly do not understand, do you? Hiding your boyfriend's guilt will do you no good. Poor lamb, you have so cruelly been led astray, Xelloss would never stay with you otherwise, no matter what. But how could one expect a child like you with no experience with men to understand?"

Lina groaned as Luna nodded. She could see the priest already pulling out his bible.

"Do you, Xelloss Metallium take Lina Inverse as your lawfully wedded wife?"

Xelloss turned to Lina. "I'm sorry Lina, but your sister is just too scary. I do."

"Do you Lina Inverse take Xelloss Metallium as your lawfully wedded husband?"

"No."

Naga slapped her hand across Lina's mouth. "Poor girl, she's a bit confused. She meant yes."

The priest nodded. "Then I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Their duty done, Luna, the priest and Naga left, leaving the newly married Lina and Xelloss alone, as Gourry, Zelgadis and Amelia had long since run for cover. Calmly, Lina turned towards Xelloss.

"Hehehe, what are you doing now, dear?"

Lina rested her hand on Xelloss' shoulder, then looked into his eyes. "Darkness beyond twighlight, and crimson blood that flows..."

* * *

Naga looked behind her as the restaurant went up in flames. "Hmmm... usually the bride just throws her bouquet."

* * *

Amelia stared at Xelloss, then Lina, then back at Xelloss. "So, you two are really married now, eh? Isn't that just so romantic Zel?"

"No."

Gourry shook his head. "Now I'm really confused."

"I swear, I will never pull another prank again as long as I live. NOW can we get a divorce Lina?"

Lina shook her head. "No way. Now that I know how much money you get paid by the Beast Master, I'm never letting you go!"

"Lina, can you throw another flower so I can catch that one too? See Zel, now that I've caught the bouquet, you HAVE to marry me!"

"No."

Xelloss proceeded to wail.


End file.
